Alice Draper: Internal Rejections

Alice Draper (00:01.56)
So much of my understanding of rejection and what I talk about here on this podcast is external no’s. It’s an idea being shut down, a proposal you sent being rejected, a book being rejected, a person rejecting you. We recently had an episode on heartbreak. But sometimes rejection comes in other forms, like your body saying no.

That’s something that I’m dealing with in a mild form, I suppose. But it’s… I don’t think it’s something we’ve spoken about on this podcast. And I wrote about it in a newsletter and it’s the reason why I’m doing a solo episode, a short solo episode today, because I just don’t have the stamina to do everything that is needed to get a full interview out and the promo and all of that.

So I’m coming here to talk about how to keep moving when you feel stuck, when you feel like rejection is coming at you in unexpected angles. I know how to deal with external rejections. I know how to deal with other people telling me no, I can keep moving, especially when I have a strong vision. But right now I’m dealing with something a little bit different.

So in my newsletter that I sent out on Monday, I spoke about how my word for 2025, and I’ve spoken about this on this podcast, is discipline. When I was auditing last year, 2024, everything that had happened in business, the first three months of this podcast as well, one thing became crystal clear to me, which is I know exactly what I want to be spending my time and energy on.

It’s just a matter of like putting in that muscle grease, is that the word? Putting in that hard work and being disciplined, showing up consistently in a disciplined way. And 2025 so far has not been disciplined for me and not for lack of trying, not for lack of…

Alice Draper (02:30.273)
Not wanting to, I guess we always want to be disciplined. But I’ve had a couple of health issues in a fairly short space of time. So I was fatigued and I got an infection and I feel like I’ve had maybe two or three infections and it’s only been like two and a half months, last I checked since the year I started. Most recently I had an allergy attack.

which don’t know what caused it, but it totally knocked me off my game. I’m still not really on my game. And so I have not had that energy and that stamina to really go all in on this word discipline, but not just that. I am in such a beautiful place in business right now where I have so much clarity about what I want to do and

If anyone here is a creator or a business owner, I think that we know that these things move in cycles and sometimes we have a bit less clarity and we feel like we’re of wading through the waters. I did feel like that. You know, I’d say in 2023 I felt like that. And right now it’s all just clicked and I know what I want to be doing, but I just don’t have…

that energy right now to do it all. And so I feel like things are moving full speed ahead and really exciting opportunities are coming up. And there’s this feeling like I’m dropping the ball and it’s scary. I’d say something that happens to me and I’m sure it happens to everyone. I think especially when we’re in this more

self-employed, entrepreneurial space, or if you hire people and you need to make sure that they can get paid as well, is that if you’re not your 100 % on top of everything self, that fear sets in and it sets in hard. And so it can just be like one week of sick leave and I’m just…

Alice Draper (04:53.769)
my mind is spiraling, my mind is going, my gosh, is it all going to go to shit from here? Is this it? Is it the end of the world? And I think that this really can tie to some of the brain science around rejection, which is our brains are wired to catastrophize. It’s very much along that line of thinking of if I get rejected, I’m going to get kicked out of my tribe.

Well, if I’m not 100 % myself, I’m not able to contribute to the community that I have now built in a 100 % perfect capacity, then I’m going to get kicked out of the community. Essentially, I think that’s what’s going on in the brain. And I think that what I’m doing, and I think it can be helpful for anyone who has gone through or is going through something similar, is zooming out.

So if we look at any life, if we look at any business, if we look at any major creation, there are busy cycles and there are slow cycles and there are in-between cycles, but it’s not all one smooth sailing rocket ship, I guess. I don’t know why I said rocket ship, but not one smooth sailing ship.

There are cycles and so what helps me is to zoom out big picture and think, okay, what does this mean in the big picture? And also what is most important right now? Because for me, my health is important and I know that it can be easy to try push through it and pretend like it’s not, but without health, without our health, what do we have?

So yeah, zooming out a bit and figuring out how can I do enough and what is enough, what I’m capable of doing. How can I lean on others for help? I’m so lucky to have a support system through a team. Also through friends, family, partners, I have a fantastic support system. And so I’ve learned how to do this in other areas of my life.

Alice Draper (07:09.887)
like going through various personal crises, but it always is scary when it happens. And so I want to acknowledge that if anyone has gone through or is going through something similar is that when things are not going quite as planned, it is going to be scary. And I say this about rejection as well, is it’s going to hurt. There is no, I don’t trust anyone who says it shouldn’t hurt. think that that’s so biological and wired in us.

But it’s important to be able to zoom out and find that support system and network and community. And also to just remind ourselves that it’s not permanent. Like, if there’s anything we know about this life and this world we live in, is that nothing is in a state of permanence. And I don’t know why, but when things are going good in life, I, and I think many people, have this tendency to think that

the shoe’s gonna drop at any moments, like, oh, this just weights one bad thing’s around the corner, it’s all gonna like stop all these, this good luck I’m having. Yet when things are going bad and you’re, I’m in a bad mental space or whatever it is, there’s this like, this is it forever, it’s always gonna be bad. And I think that’s probably just a flaw in human thinking, but.

It’s interesting because yeah, if life has anything to, has shown me anything, it’s that nothing is a state of permanence. It’s consistently changing. So I guess the point of this episode is to come on here and share a little bit real life of stuff that’s going through my mind right now and affecting me right now.

and hopefully I’ll figure out what this allergy is and I will be 100 % on my A game by like tomorrow or in the next week or two or the next month or two to see what life says. But if anyone’s listening and you are relates, whether it’s health or you’re grieving, you know, last week we had an episode about heartbreak, heartbreak can really set someone back.

Alice Draper (09:30.954)
in productivity, in life, in business, grieving a person. I think that we all go through these setbacks in business and life. Hopefully some of what I’m sharing here can help you too. So what is the smallest thing you can do? I think is a great starting question. I think that it’s easy to catastrophize and assume that if we’re not

doing 100%, which is what we’re doing most of the time, that business will not resume, clients will fire us, et cetera, et cetera. And usually that’s not the case. But what is so much better is to figure out what mechanisms can you put in place to protect your time and protect your energy, step back from things that you don’t need to be involved in right now. And what little things.

Can you do that? Maybe keep some things moving, offer you the stability you need, maybe offer you the income you need, but don’t take your all. So for me, that looks like communicating to clients that I’m not well and having to like level sets and be like, okay, I’m not a flaky person. Many of these clients have worked with me for many years and they know that I show up consistently. So it’s not the end of the world for me to communicate that I’m not well.

this way it just means that if I’m not responding as quickly as I usually do that they don’t assume that I’m just being really bad with communication they know what’s going on so that for me is something small I can do I’m lucky enough to have a team so I’m also communicating to them so that they know and they can also step up and also not be upset that I’m not as involved as I usually am

But secondly, it’s recognizing that the rest that we need to take is productive. And it’s, it’s, I know so many people, if you have listened to a personal development podcast or you have read a personal development book, people tell you this, but when you, which is me, I’m referring to myself here, are in a position where I need to take rest, I forget all of that. It’s fiction.

Alice Draper (11:53.934)
So, in I guess the spirit of cognitive behavioral therapy, I am here telling myself that rest is part of the marathon. It’s not the opposite of it. So when we’re thinking of elite athletes, of course, we know that they’re not training every day. Rest is factored as part of their performance strategy. But take a step further if we think of elite athletes and they face an injury, a setback.

something that is going to maybe take them out of a competition, maybe for a whole season. If that athlete made the decision to power through, to keep going in spite of the fractured leg or whatever injury it is, that is the type of decision which I’m sure we’ve heard stories can ruin their career forever. And

It really puts into perspective when you think of it that way, how important taking, for example, that season off is for an athlete who’s going through an injury. If you are, maybe it’s not as obvious because it’s not something where a doctor can say, if you carry on training the season, you will never play the sport ever again. They don’t really say that when it comes to.

Lot of other health related things or just mental mental health related things But I think we really have to introspect and think what is the big? What are the big costs of not taking some time to rest and I don’t mean it needs to be a whole season Maybe it needs to be a few weeks, but but maybe in the case of bigger losses death Grief and he I don’t know, you know, there’s so many things. Maybe it does need to be a bit longer, but

Yeah, there are big costs of powering through. And then watching that in a narrative, I know we touched on this, but as I mentioned, I’m the queen of catastrophizing, maybe not the queen, I definitely maybe I’m princess, I’m pretty good at it. So when we’re diving into that, I’m going to lose it all mindset.

Alice Draper (14:15.101)
What I find helpful is I ask myself, okay, well, what if I do lose it all? I don’t know if this is helpful to everyone. I know that this is something that some therapists do as well. Take yourself there. What if you lose it all? Okay, what if I lose all my clients? What if I lose my business? What if nothing is the same again? Will I survive? I know I’ll survive. The answer is different for everyone.

Can you plan for that worst case scenario? Can you plan a safety net? Do you have a family member you could go stay with if you lost your apartments and your housing and everything? Take yourself there. Because I think when we take ourselves there, we can often find that it’s not as terrible as we thought. I know I obviously have a lot of privilege, but if I take myself to worst case scenario, when I was single, I could take myself to worst case scenario and be like, okay, maybe I’ll live with my mom.

and stay in a spare bedroom and that’s not ideal. I don’t want to be like lose my financial independence and stuff. But then it’s also like when I once I’ve taken myself there, I realized that that’s not the most realistic scenario, but it’s also a scenario I can survive. And I would rather risk being in a position where I have to go live with my mom again, which by the way did not happen, then playing it safe.

um, and not pursuing my dreams, which was to build a business. So yeah, try take yourself to worst case scenario and how would you set up mechanisms to survive that? Because chances are worst case scenario isn’t what’s actually going to happen, even though our brain does like to go there. And then finally, uh, I know this is sounding like a therapy podcast, so I apologize for this, but focus on what is in your control control.

the what is out of our control, it’s so easy and tempting. I know to spiral down all those things, but it’s not productive. It’s not going to make us feel better. So what can you control? I can control what I’m spending my energy on right now. I can control how I’m showing up. I can control how I’m communicating. I can control how I’m involving my community. I can control what

Alice Draper (16:41.151)
energy I am going to dedicate onto what things, you know, I have had to cancel so many things on my calendar and it’s scary. Like we have this amazing, like really big guest and I was supposed to do a recording with her and I had to cancel and I was sick and then I was still sick and so I had to cancel again and so it’s really scary because you’re like she probably won’t rebook.

because she feels like her time is being wasted. But also, I’d rather let go of that than force myself to do a lot of heavy lifting mental work and preparing for the episode and then being exhausted and maybe not even showing up in the way that I want to show up for the recording and just a whole bunch of heaviness when… I love this show, this is like…

My hobby, I enjoy doing these things. forcing myself to do it when I’m not physically and mentally up for it is just gonna kill that. And I just have to let go. Because I can’t control what her reaction is gonna be, but I can control what kind of energy I put into this show. And I let trust that the right guests and the right content will come. So yeah, it’s hard.

It’s something I’m still trying to do, but letting go of what we can’t control is key. It’s paramount. So I guess in closing, my thoughts today that I want to leave you with is that rejection resilience is a long game and facing these kinds of external life rejections. don’t know, internal, well, I don’t know how to frame this. It’s not the rejection of

no you can’t do it, it’s more the rejection of life, mental health, physical health, whatever, controllable factors have come in and are interfering with the things that you want to be doing. When that happens, I just hope that we can think of a long game, keep our eye on…

Alice Draper (19:01.805)
This being a marathon, not a sprint, so I’m sounding very cliched now, I’m sorry. But there are moments where we have to push and there are moments where we have to pause. Something that I find really helpful is thinking about how I can be so super duper crazy productive in some areas. Like, I can do things that typically would, I think, take many people months to achieve, but I can do them in the matter of…

days, weeks. So I think of that, of like the balancing act. Okay, I’m not at my best now, but there are moments where I’m like above my best. So I guess it all levels out in the end. But momentum, keeping pushing forward, it’s not about perfection. It’s really continuing imperfectly. And that’s a big topic in relation to rejection, is taking that imperfect action consistently.

won’t look the same every day. Some days will be better than others. But we’re moving, we’re not dropping it. I’m here with my little solo episode that is not taking much energy for me to record and feel like I’m just talking to a friend. And I’ll be back to the more in-depth interviews soon. So this is me taking imperfect action. You’re welcome.

In all honesty, I heard that this episode has been helpful in some shape or form. I would love to hear from you. So I got a couple of emails and DMs about the Guy Wynch episode and I just want to say I love it so much. It really shows me that you guys are listening and that this content means something. So please don’t feel…

shy about reaching out to me. Like my email is open media at hustlingwriters.com. You can send me an Instagram message, can send me a LinkedIn message, you can send me a WhatsApp. I want to know your stories. Have you felt like life has been rejecting any of your plans lately? How are you keeping going? Please feel free to share your experiences. You can even tag me on social media. And lastly,

Alice Draper (21:24.981)
If you enjoy this episode, please subscribe and review. This means the world to me in all vanity metric side of things. It makes my heart flutter a million times when I see a review from someone in the community. So yeah, just know that that’s appreciated and that I appreciate you being here. Thank you so much for listening to the first solo episode of my rejection story this year.

I hope you’re having a better week than I am.